Movie Review: Sharkenstein (2016)

Much like recent years, when we have seen a seemingly unending multitude of zombie derivatives hitting our screens, the last few years have produced a glut of shark related films. They come in a variety of ridiculousness, from Sharktopus, Sharknado, and Roboshark, to this latest wheeze, Sharkenstein, from the director of Bigfoot Vs Zombies, Mark Polonia.

We’re in low budget film territory, and as a fan of films from the tradition of wobbly sets and silliness, such as the Ed Wood films, Roger Corman or Troma, I can get with something like this. My only measure will be, is it ‘bad’ bad, or ‘good’ bad?

The plot, for what it’s worth, combines some common tropes, with three friends (Greta Volkova, Titus Himmelberger & James Carolus) going on a break to Katzman Cove, only to find things going awry. As can be predicted, they become embroiled in the experiments of a neo-Nazi scientist (Jeff Kirkendall), who is continuing the work of World War II era Nazi scientists, hellbent on creating a new weapon from a shark and the brain of Frankenstein’s monster. While this plot is predictable and wafer thin, it is at least coherent and has no pretensions to any high art!

The main characters in this are supposed to be, I guess, college students, but from a weird world where male ‘college students’ are in their late 30s or early 40s and are based on ‘Poochie’ from The Simpson. At least Greta Valkova’s ‘Madge’ is passable as a student, and all the other actors appear to be in the right age brackets, which is a relief. Generally, the actors are passably bad, but I can only hope they are being bad on purpose. This is clear for some of the actors, but a couple of them just get too hammy and derail it quite a bit. Luckily, Volkova, Kirkendall and Ken Van Sant (as the Harbour Patrol Officer) are a solid trio and know how to pitch their performances.

As a production, clearly no money has been spent and it goes beyond wobbly set time. There are two boats in this film and they are clearly the same boat re-used, for instance, with no effort being made to hide it beyond putting up the awning. Add to that the use of what is probably stock footage at the wrong aspect ratio (I’ll accept this may be deliberate), and some clunky and preposterous bits, potentially to aid the filming schedule, you can tell that corners were cut, and then cut again.

Strangely, for a film of this type which normally leverages exploitation, there is one moment that accents it as a sort of vaguely non-sploitation piece, with some weird towel usage, showing the same clunkiness of any tv show where someone unnaturally gets out of bed and is clutching a sheet. While a minor point, it felt odd to me that they were neither making it natural nor embracing the sexploitation history of the genre, and instead just made the whole thing awkward, making it seem like they didn’t have the courage of their convictions and were unsure.

An element that was brilliantly and intentionally bad was the effects. From the outset, you know what level the effects will be with this, and you can get behind it. The first major shark attack for instance, made me laugh out loud. Similarly, the music is effectively 80’s in tone, with large synth pads and midi presets, which suits well.

Much like a lot of ‘outsider art’, the best and most effective is that which has been made with a serious intent, such as the Ed Wood films. Even if the desired outcome is something that is ‘knowingly bad’, you have to play it straight. Where this film fails is that some of the elements are just bad, rather than knowingly bad, and it neither embraces the shlockyness nor fully steps away from it. It is not without merit though and if you go into it expecting an appalling film, then there are things to enjoy and I will be watching Mark Polonia’s other output in the future. The only problem is that there are both ‘bad’ bad things and ‘good’ bad things, which make it uneven and, to me, unsure of what it was trying to achieve. Flawed, but not entirely in the right way.