New to the Movies Section of Nerdspan is A Bunch of Fives. In coming months, A Bunch of Fives will discuss some of the overlooked areas in film and list five of them. Hopefully you will enjoy it, if not just read it and humor me, ok?
WARNING: There are some bad swears coming up, so usher the children out of the room…
A BUNCH OF FIVES – INSULTS
It’s never nice to be insulted. It does, however, appeal to the baser human instincts that when you really want to cut to the core of someone, or express your frustration at the lawn mower that just won’t start…they can be funny or down right threatening. Either way, a well timed insult can be a glorious thing!
What better way to celebrate the insult than with the first issue of A Bunch of Fives: Best Movie Insults. Sit back and enjoy… Oh, and feel free to try to work these into your daily conversations.
1. FULL METAL JACKET
Culprit: Gunnery Sargeant Hartman
This film gave the entire film going public about 30 memorable insults and, honestly, could have filled this list. R. Lee Ermey’s display as Drill Sargeant Hartman is one of the most insult laden performances in film history. However, the best insult from Hartman’s wide and varied catalogue is this one…
“Did your parents have any children that lived?
I bet they regret that. You’re so ugly, you could be a modern art masterpiece!”
2. TROPIC THUNDER
Culprit: Les Grossman (Tom Cruise)
In probably Tom Cruise’s best ever role (There, I said it.) as massive, hairy handed, movie mogul Les Grossman, his insults fly thick and fast. However, it is Grossman’s dealings with a terrorist group that produces the best insult he can muster.
“First, take a big step back… and literally, f*ck your own face!”
3. ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY
Culprit: Ron Burgundy
Will Ferrell can certainly polarize people with his form of comedy and Anchorman is no different. A cult film that is quoted endlessly by many people. However, in amongst all the quotes are some of the great insults. The following being the best one in the film. Sure, it is simple and makes no sense, but its effective and funny!
“You are a smelly pirate hooker.”
4. KILL BILL: VOL 2
Culprit: Larry Gomez
Despite being a Tarantino film, the great insult in this film is delivered not during the epic girl fight in the trailer, but in such an understated way, in such an understated scene, that its significance is almost missed. As Budd, (Michael Marsden) gets berated by his cowboy boss who he could kill at any moment, but he is so out of self-respect that he endures this insult…
“You’re saying that the reason… that you’re not doing the job… that I’m… paying you to do… is, that you don’t have a job to do? Is that what you’re saying? What are you trying to convince me of, exactly? That you’re as useless as an Asshole right here? (points to elbow). Well guess what, Buddy. I think, you just f*cking convinced me!”
5. HALLOWEEN (2007)
Culprit: Ronnie White
Yes, the Rob Zombie version of Halloween was full of naughty words and just about the worst people ever. It was vicious, and I am not even talking about the violence. Especially, the opening breakfast scene. It is about the worst family breakfast ever seen. Not only is the unlucky Myers family poor, but the family unit is a fractured, horrible mess. The insults are flying thick and fast around the table, but the one delivered with the most venom is –
“B*tch, I will crawl over there and I will skull f*ck the sh*t out of you!”
So there you have five of the best insults. Is your favourite insult missing? Write a comment and let us know.